Stage 1: Du‘ā’ for them
Your du‘ā’ is one of the three things the Prophet ﷺ named as still reaching a person after death: a righteous child who prays for them (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, 1631). It needs no set time or place. These are words the Qur’ān itself teaches.
رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
Rabbi ’rḥamhumā kamā rabbayānī ṣaghīrā.
My Lord, have mercy on them as they raised me when I was small.
رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيَّ وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَوْمَ يَقُومُ الْحِسَابُ
Rabbanā ’ghfir lī wa li-wālidayya wa li’l-mu’minīna yawma yaqūmu ’l-ḥisāb.
Our Lord, forgive me, my parents and the believers on the Day the reckoning is established.
رَبِّ اغْفِرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيَّ وَلِمَنْ دَخَلَ بَيْتِيَ مُؤْمِنًا وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ
Rabbi ’ghfir lī wa li-wālidayya wa liman dakhala baytiya mu’minan wa li’l-mu’minīna wa’l-mu’mināt.
My Lord, forgive me, my parents, whoever enters my house as a believer, and the believing men and women.
You can also make the du‘ā’ of the janazah prayer for them on any day. These are words the Prophet ﷺ himself said for the dead:
اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لَهُ وَارْحَمْهُ وَعَافِهِ وَاعْفُ عَنْهُ، وَأَدْخِلْهُ الْجَنَّةَ، وَأَعِذْهُ مِنْ عَذَابِ الْقَبْرِ
Allāhumma ’ghfir lahu wa ’rḥamhu wa ‘āfihi wa ’‘fu ‘anhu, wa adkhilhu ’l-jannata, wa a‘idhhu min ‘adhābi ’l-qabr.
O Allāh, forgive him and have mercy on him, grant him well-being and pardon him. Admit him into Paradise, and protect him from the punishment of the grave.
For a woman, the pronouns change from “-hu” to “-hā” (for example, Allāhumma ’ghfir lahā wa ’rḥamhā).
Stage 2: Visiting their grave
Visiting graves is recommended for men and for women. The Prophet ﷺ visited his own mother’s grave and wept, and those around him wept, and he said:
فَزُورُوا الْقُبُورَ، فَإِنَّهَا تُذَكِّرُ الْمَوْتَ
So visit the graves, for they remind you of death.
When you arrive, greet the people of the graves with the words he taught his Companions:
السَّلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ أَهْلَ الدِّيَارِ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُسْلِمِينَ، وَإِنَّا إِنْ شَاءَ اللَّهُ لَلَاحِقُونَ، أَسْأَلُ اللَّهَ لَنَا وَلَكُمُ الْعَافِيَةَ
As-salāmu ‘alaykum ahla ’d-diyāri mina ’l-mu’minīna wa ’l-muslimīn, wa innā in shā’a ’llāhu la-lāḥiqūn, as’alu ’llāha lanā wa lakumu ’l-‘āfiyah.
Peace be upon you, people of these dwellings, believers and Muslims. We will, if Allāh wills, join you. I ask Allāh for well-being for us and for you.
Make du‘ā’ standing, as the Prophet ﷺ did, and recite whatever Qur’ān you are able to, giving its reward to them. Do not sit or walk on the grave itself: he said that sitting on a live coal until it burns through your clothes is better than sitting on a grave (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, 971).
Worth knowing
Slaughtering an animal at the graveside has no place in Islām. The Prophet ﷺ said “There is no ‘aqr in Islām” (Sunan Abī Dāwūd, 3222), and the early narrators explained ‘aqr as exactly this pre-Islamic custom.
Stage 3: Deeds that still reach them
The reward of good deeds done by the living reaches the Muslim dead. Scholars hold that a Muslim may give the reward of prayer, fasting, charity, ḥajj, Qur’ān recitation and du‘ā’ to any deceased Muslim, and it reaches them without reducing the reward of the one who gives it.
Give charity on their behalf
A man told the Prophet ﷺ that his mother had died suddenly, and that had she been able to speak she would have given charity. He asked whether he could give it on her behalf, and the Prophet ﷺ said: “Yes, give charity on her behalf” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, 2609).
Perform ḥajj for them
A woman told the Prophet ﷺ that her mother had vowed to perform ḥajj and died before she could. He said: “Yes, perform ḥajj on her behalf. If your mother had a debt, would you not pay it? Pay what is owed to Allāh, for Allāh is most deserving of being paid” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī, 1852).
Settle their debts and their will
Paying what they owed comes before almost anything else. The Prophet ﷺ said: “The soul of the believer is held by his debt until it is paid on his behalf” (Sunan al-Tirmidhī, 1078). Then carry out their wasiyyah (will), if they left one.
If they died with fasts or prayers they had missed, ask a qualified scholar about fidyah for them.
Keep up the people they loved
Sayyidunā ‘Abdullāh ibn ‘Umar (may Allāh be pleased with him) once gave his own donkey and turban to a Bedouin whose father had been a friend of his father, and said he had heard the Prophet ﷺ say: “The finest act of devotion is for a son to keep ties with the people his father loved” (Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, 2552). Visiting their friends, and staying close to their family, is itself a way of honouring them.
Stage 4: What is not required
None of this needs a particular day, a gathering or a meal. Du‘ā’, Qur’ān recitation and charity for the deceased can be done at the grave or anywhere else, on any day, alone or with others.
Worth knowing
Gatherings fixed on the third or fortieth day after a death are custom, not religion, and scholars list them among the practices to set aside, along with reviving grief on fixed anniversaries. A family need not feel bound by them. What reaches the deceased is the deed itself, done sincerely.
Stage 5: Something lasting in their name
Of all the deeds that continue, the Prophet ﷺ named ongoing charity first. A water well, a masjid, Qur’ans or a child’s education keep benefiting people long after you give, and the reward keeps reaching the one you gave it for.
إِذَا مَاتَ الْإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلَّا مِنْ ثَلَاثَةٍ: إِلَّا مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ، أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ، أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ
When a person dies, their deeds come to an end except for three: ongoing charity, knowledge that benefits others, or a righteous child who prays for them.
Sadaqah Jariyah
Something lasting, in their name
Sadaqah Jariyah is a continuous reward that keeps flowing after death. Give on behalf of the one you have lost, and your gift goes to projects that deliver lasting benefit: water wells, masjids, Qur’ans, student sponsorship and maktab education.
Every drop of water drunk, every prayer offered and every word recited becomes a source of ongoing reward for them. Zakat can be given too: choose “Zakat” at checkout and it goes to an eligible project.
We will add it to your donation or page for you.
Give to our Sadaqah Jariyah fund. Any amount helps, and your gift is marked as given on their behalf.
Make a page in their memory that family and friends can give to together. It is free and takes a few minutes.